Diaper Chat
So I have Joseph on the floor and take off his poopy diaper and before I have a chance, he says, “What have I been eating?!” Guess that is usually what I ask!
Weedeater
“Mom, some day you should get a weedeater.”
“Oh yeah? What would I do with a weedeater?”
“You would put gas in it and turn it on and wear some special earplugs and go out and give the bushes a haircut!”
Letters, Numbers…Victory!
I gave Joseph some sparking white grape juice with dinner (also on the menu were peas, taco meat and cottage cheese with fresh pineapple…which he dubbed “a lovely dinner”) but that’s not the point. I gave him said “kid wine” in a wine glass from Vintage Virginia. He points to the letters and says, “Look mommy, letters! (pause, thinking) Can I count those?” Typical adult thinking leads me to say, “No buddy, you read lett…” “1, 2, 3…” he starts. (Do’h.) Then, “V is for victory! XYZ!” Did he recognize the Vs? Hmmmm….
The Blue Store
Yesterday in the car, Joseph spots a blue AAA trash truck. (He can spot any truck from a mile away, and correctly identify it, long before I notice it.)
“Mommy! Look! A blue garbage truck! I need a blue garbage truck! I’m going to go to the blue store and get a blue garbage truck! Can we go to the blue store?”
Dog Hair
The previous owner of the house we moved into had dogs and cats. I am not a pet person, in any form, but even if you are, the carpet is gross. The carpet installer even commented on it. (It is being replaced today.) I keep telling Joseph not to put food on the carpet, or sit on it, or lay on it, or walk on it without shoes…because, besides the smell, there is so much dog hair. And if he drops any sort of food, especially those fruit treat gummy things, it really takes every bone in his body not to still eat it. (He will do anything for a fruit treat.) But, now he refers to carpet simply as “dog hair.”
The other day:
Me: “Joseph, get up off the floor, let’s go brush teeth.”
Joseph: “No! I want to lay on the dog hair!”Last night:
Me: “Joseph, it’s time to go to sleep. You are going to stay in your bed and I am going to mine. I can’t stay in here and lay on your floor [on a blanket] all night.”
Joseph (pleading): “Stay Mommy! Please stay! Lay on the dog hair!”
A New Gravity
“Joseph, how did that cup get down there on the floor?”
“It floated down there. It floated all the way down.”
Now That’s Stubborn
When Joseph is feisty he wants whatever the opposite is of what I am doing…resulting in demands to:
“I want my poopy diaper back ooooonnnnn!”
“I want sticky hands!”
“Put the dirt back on my face!”
“I want the snot on my face!”
(These demands are often followed by the stomping of a fat little foot and stern little pout and a “riiiight now!”)
When I’m Taller
Me: You need your sleep because that’s when you grow.
Joseph: Then I will be taller so I can reach stuff. Like Uncle Matt can reach stuff.
Dark
“Joseph, how was your night?”
“Dark.”
Man Down!
Joseph falls on the kitchen floor. I say, “Oh no, man down!”
Joseph, getting up, says, “Man up!”
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