Me: Joseph, you were in such a good mood earlier this morning, what happened?

J: I’ve got something stuck in my process.

Me: What is it?

J: A blueberry.

Yeah mom–see!

It IS tear-free!

Me: We should go to Mount Vernon tomorrow!

J: Mount Vernon?

Me: Do you know who lived at Mount Vernon? (No.) I’ll give you a clue, he was our first president.

J: Barack Obama?

Me: No, he is our president now. This guy is also on the one dollar bill…

J: Abraham Lincoln?

Me: No, he was our 16th president, but good guess. Here, maybe this will help, I’ll show you his picture…

J: Quaker Oats!!!

J: I told everyone at school I was a whole hand! I just love my birthday. I just love being five. I feel like a grown up.

J: Whoa! We just passed that school bus!

Me: Yeah, it takes a bus longer to get up to speed since it’s so heavy.

J: and if all those children had a big breakfast it’d be even heavier!

(Not cooperating.)

We stopped at AC Moore for googily eyes for Joseph’s birthday treat for school and he brought his cash box–containing about 78 cents and some coins my mom brought him from Dubai. He was hot to buy something. Anything. We left the craft place with him grumbling and he jumped at my suggestion to stop in Home Goods next door. Yeah! Sure! What could he beg for in here, I think, pleased with myself. We’ll just avoid that section with the toys!

We got five steps in the door and already I’d told him no, he could not buy the 3′ tall silver Eiffel Tower or the $50 box of plastic grass, when he spotted this:

This, he says, is what I need.

Joseph, what are you going to do with a giant topiary? It’s…$80??

Do you have that much?

No.

Do I?

No, it’s a lot.

But mom. I really, really want this popiary. I love it. You never listen to me. Pleeeeaaaaase can we get this popiary???

Water is a lot like spit–only it’s a lot fresher. And (he swirls his glass)…thinner.

We saw a breast-headed woodpecker at grandma’s today!

J: Is grandma home?

Me: Yes.

J: Does grandma work?

Me: Yes, she takes care of you guys.

J: And plays bridge. But, bridge is her hard job. We’re her fun job!

Mom, what’s that called when I finish this and then I can have more?

Seconds.

Yeah! I’m going to take seconds!