Grandma’s Eyes
I got this note, and a recap too, from Maddie’s teacher Ms Vicki (yes, that’s her perfect handwriting)…
Maddie shared with her friends at lunch today, “My grandma as two black eyes.” Ms Vicki asked what color her eyes were before and Maddie says, “Grandma had to go to the doctor because her face was too fat. The doctor gave her two black eyes. Then she came home and put frozen peas on her eyes. Grandma said she wasn’t going to eat the peas. Grandma was also wearing sunglasses. And it wasn’t even sunny!”
I explained (to a probably relieved Ms Vicki) that my mom had eye surgery to correct heavy lids that were impairing her vision, which mom had described to Maddie as having fat removed from her eyelids.
A Holy Book
Me, opening a library book: Ewe, this books smells.
Maddie: Let me smell. (Sniffs.) It smells like God.
Me: What?! What does that mean?
Maddie: God. (She points to the ceiling.) Well, God’s breath. It smells like God’s breath.
Me: Does that mean it smells good or bad?
Maddie: Bad.
Me: Why do you think it smells like that?
Maddie: Because God was on it and his feet was on it.
Me: How do you know what God smells like?
Maddie, laughs: I don’t know but his feet smell.
Eyes
J: Mom, what color are my eyes again?
Me: Hazel
J: Oh yeah! I was thinking “basil!”
Superhero
Me: What is your superhero name?
J: Captain of America!
Girlfriends
J: I’m never going to have a girlfriend.
Me: Why not?
J: Cause they kiss you. And I’m never going to be a lifeguard.
Me: No lifeguarding, eh?
J: Yeah. They have lots of girlfriends. I don’t want them to kiss me. When I get older and do awesome stuff, girls are going to want to kiss me.
Me: What kind of awesome stuff are you planning to do?
J: Nothing. No awesome stuff–then they won’t want to kiss me! I’m just going to do boring stuff.
Me: Good plan. In fact, if you keep doing all the stuff you love now, like burp and toot, talk about poop…just keep acting 6, basically…it’ll be perfect–you’ll never have a girlfriend!
J: (grins)
Me: What is boring stuff, anyway?
J: Oh, you know, reading, doing dishes. I’ll just do that stuff all the time, that’ll get rid of some of the girlfriends, cause I won’t be spending time with them. Also I can burp and fart a lot!
Princesses
Maddie is naming all the princesses on her placemat. There’s Princess Beauty, Caralina, Scarlo, Princess Kiwi, Evie, Steve Wonderland, Curly Hair, Eva and Eva (there’s two Evas). And of course the mommy princess (which I remind her is the queen): Queen Rachel.
World Cup with Maddie
Watching Brazil v Croatia with Maddie.
M: Where are the girls? There’s a girl!
Me: There’s another game for the girls, this is the boys’ game…that was just a guy with long hair.
M: Where is the dad game?
Me: Well, some of these guys are probably dads.
M: Do those guys have any cats?
Me: There is probably a guy or two who has cats.
M: How about dogs?
Me: Yes. Mads, please move, I can’t see through your head.
M: Do their dogs poop on the carpet?
Me: I hope not. Ok, let’s just watch it, ok?
Brainy 3 Year Old
You just assume they know some basics. You are wrong…
Maddie: “Mommy, look at my brains!”
Eggs
Maddie was helping me to make breakfast and really wanted to get the eggs… Joseph says, “Be careful, Mads, don’t eggs-identally drop them!”
Falling Crumbs
Mads: “Daddy, don’t spill crumbs on me! I’m not a plate!”
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